As you may have heard, I’ve just embarked on a three year degree at a London uni. This obviously makes me a Londoner (anyone with qualms can meet me outside for a bust up). It also makes me super cool, indie and well-informed about all the hipest events going on in the Big Pineapple (that’s a phrase, right?). Seriously though, what is up with London clubs at the moment? In the words of H.R.H Tom Misch “Tired of going to whack club nights.. where’s the soulful housey stuff in London happening?!”
Spoken like a true frustrated and angry Londoner, Misch has voiced something I think all of us are thinking. Freshers week is over, praise be to atheist Jesus, and we need to start getting our shit together. No more nights at clubs playing “whack” and hideously monotonous sound. No more 15 pounds entry to a downtrodden future crackhouse. No more PITBULL, goddammit. It’s time for some not-so-shitty club action.
Currently my favourite spot in London to scream along to Mr Brightside. Drinks are outrageously cheap and the music is consistently cheesy and amazing. Youcan expect bangers across the ages and even a bit of Taylor Swift if you stay for long enough. The only small downside is you will be shushed in the smoking area (but we’ve been there, we can deal with this). Highlight? It’s small enough that you will never spend all night looking around for Frank who forgot to charge his iPhone and has just chundered all over the bouncer.
Queen of Hoxton
Best for old school hip hop and RnB. Usually free entry and always full of a mix of people that just clocked off a job they hate and hip, trendy Shoreditchers that love Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Drinks aren’t the cheapest but also not the most expensive. There’s also an underground grimy housey room for those that say the word “sesh”. Also, if you’re lucky the rooftop will be open and you can actually talk and smoke in peace.
Do you wear beanies to clubs? Do you have facial hair that you massage with beard oil? DO YOU LOVE TO GET DOWN? Then stop flipping around and head down to Bussey to rub shoulders with fellow students, unemployed hipsters and nice besequined girls with big smiles (is it ok that I mean me?). Soul Train was my favourite night in London yet, and it will soon be yours.
Prince of Wales
Have been known to host some killer old school hip hop and disco nights. Big upstairs smoking area, relatively cheap booze and a slightly questionable “I went to public school” vibe. Despite the hit and miss crowd, I had a great time here and would highly recommend it to anyone that’s sick of the same old shiiiit.
A bit of a trek for anyone that doesn’t live in Hackney but it is the place for avant garde nights. Be on the lookout for their 80s nights when people either go hard orgo home dancing to Madonna and Blondie. Whatever you do, wear your weirdest clothes and prep yourself with some serious 80s music cramming before you venture in.
The Book Club
They are ALWAYS hosting nights that I drool over. (E.G. Funked Up tomorrow). From what I gather it’s basically a £3-5 fee to dance the night away to the best genres of music. What more could a person ask for?
This is a preliminary list and I strongly encourage ANYONE that knows of ANY clubs we can add to this list to speak now or forever hold thy selfish peace.